{Routine & Rhythm}
Here we are two day from February! Man, this month flew.
We have been settled and here for nearly a month and a half. Boxes are gone, our weekly schedule has found a new groove, school is back in full swing, we are finding some new favorite parks and loving the southern sun when it shines so bright in whats suppose to be winter time.
But it took me a while this time to get mentally stable. (and I'm not even sure I'm quit there yet.) Not sure why this move was so much more difficult then any other. We had friends already, knew a good deal about the community, had a church, and am still just a couple hour plane ride from sweet ol' Michigan in case of an emergency. But something has been had hold my heart. Something I never thought about when I had the comforts of "home" to ease my mind.
FEAR. So much fear. Fear of anything really. Being alone, like alone, alone. Fear of loosing my health. Fear of moving yet again ... I mean that's the goal! And I want to move again, I WANT to get to England. But man, to move, unpack, get settled and into a life to pack up and move again... was I crazy?! It's been a lot to process at times. I know we made this move and am following God's plan and will for our lives. We have an amazingly supportive church family who are already pouring into our lives, keeping in touch, asking the tough questions, and making sure we are all adjusting well. But as the fear crept in, it overwhelmed my thoughts and feelings. Fear soon turned to jealousy, tears, disdain, and resentment. And it didn't always make sense.
My friends would post about their homes, whether it was something breaking down or a makeover they had finally accomplished and it'd turn my day upside down. The jealousy and hatred of them owning a home I am so far from ever having. A dream I've had since being a little girl. The house with a fence, a place I can call all mine and paint whenever and whatever color I want just because. Or a backyard I can fence in or not fence and let chickens run around wildly if I choose. And here I was on my third home for the year! None of them really mine. The feelings were all over.I found the more time I spent on social media the more I became upset, discontent, disappointed in my own life or just plain angry. I didn't like who I was becoming and I didn't know how to get out of the cycle of sad, insaneness. I was truly happy for all my friends and their beautiful homes. They've worked hard and God has blessed them greatly! Who am I to be upset in their joy?!! I wanted to be happy but didn't know how to grasp and get out of the hole I was slowly sinking into.
And this went alongside our need to find a new rhythm and routine for school and life. Tim's new job is a bit different then anything he's had. Not bad different, just different. He rises early and is gone before breakfast, leaving me alone in the AM, but he's home sometime in late afternoon/early evening before dinnertime. It was just adjustment, for us all. And then there's school. Oh school. December is usually a month I take slow and we usually don't have a lot of standard days... but we had had almost a month off due to our move and packing. We HAD to get back on track. We were all feeling it and loosing it little by little. But there was a problem, our old routine and schedule wasn't working. It was feeling forced and we were all beginning to HATE school time. Warning flags went flying and I started praying and searching for a new way to approach this and for the grace to change what I had already planned. (For those that don't know, I like to plan! I like charts and order. I plan for each week and like to know when things will happen. Spontaneity is planned into our week ... that's just who I am and it's taken some time for me to be okay with that, but I'm getting there.)
So I took some time and began listening to podcasts in the evenings, while I showered, or while folding laundry. Looking for different ways. Different ideas. Something to spice things up. I spent my mornings reading and asking the Lord to grant me mercy, grace, and patience for our school day.
Christmas came, New Years came and we had a good deal of tears from us all. We missed our families, our snow, the grand ol' farmhouse, and didn't like being alone the whole time. BUT it was good for us. It was good to enjoy time remembering our own traditions and making new ones. (Homemade donuts for instance, will forever be our Christmas morning thing now!) I looked to January as my clean sheet. My chance to start over (again. ha).
So with the holidays behind us, I made some changes. No Facebook on my phone. I deleted the app. The only time I log on is to update our missions page and about once a week to check notifications. (Now I did keep messenger because that's a HUGE way of communication both in life and in fundraising.) I started reading things I wanted to read. I now have a rotation of books I am reading in the morning with my devos. (it's like a mommy morning time basket... I heard it here on this amazing podcast with Pam Barnhill - a lady I've come to LOVE listening to.)
We also have upped our morning basket game for school time. With breakfast each morning we have our set subjects and items we read and study over, along with our memory verses and monthly hymn. It's become a time of fun and joy once again. And as far as the rest of school, we have found a time that is calmer and less stressful for both Milo and I and am back to doing most of school without gigantic fights and resistance, but we are still human and have our days of arguments and attitudes.
Along with this refocusing and weeding out time, I have found my anxiety has lessened, not completely gone, but not so over the top I can't function. My attitude is becoming less self centered on what I don't have and I see just how truly blessed I am with what I have right now. Yes, it still hurts to know a home to call ours and a permanent address is not in our near future but God has granted me the grace to see what He has given me and our family... a chance to travel to a gorgeous land and share the love of Christ in a way of hospitality, meals, small groups, worship, and all the while schooling my children wherever and whenever, learning each of their gifts, abilities and joys. Yes He has asked us to step out, and yes there are sorrows but He has continually opened up my eyes this month to see the JOY that comes when following Him, wholeheartedly and 100% abandoned to His glory and mission.
I am not my own. I need to keep my focus, whether in fundraising, homeschooling, or parenting, whether in North Carolina, Michigan or England, on the Lord and bringing glory to His name in each and every day.
So that was a longer post. But it's been on my heart to share and to be help accountable as a follower of Christ. My life is not mine to run, He has the right to move me where He wants to use me. My joy is found in abiding in Him and loving Him with all I have, whether it's a rental to decorate and make home or celebrating with a friend.
We have been settled and here for nearly a month and a half. Boxes are gone, our weekly schedule has found a new groove, school is back in full swing, we are finding some new favorite parks and loving the southern sun when it shines so bright in whats suppose to be winter time.
But it took me a while this time to get mentally stable. (and I'm not even sure I'm quit there yet.) Not sure why this move was so much more difficult then any other. We had friends already, knew a good deal about the community, had a church, and am still just a couple hour plane ride from sweet ol' Michigan in case of an emergency. But something has been had hold my heart. Something I never thought about when I had the comforts of "home" to ease my mind.
My friends would post about their homes, whether it was something breaking down or a makeover they had finally accomplished and it'd turn my day upside down. The jealousy and hatred of them owning a home I am so far from ever having. A dream I've had since being a little girl. The house with a fence, a place I can call all mine and paint whenever and whatever color I want just because. Or a backyard I can fence in or not fence and let chickens run around wildly if I choose. And here I was on my third home for the year! None of them really mine. The feelings were all over.I found the more time I spent on social media the more I became upset, discontent, disappointed in my own life or just plain angry. I didn't like who I was becoming and I didn't know how to get out of the cycle of sad, insaneness. I was truly happy for all my friends and their beautiful homes. They've worked hard and God has blessed them greatly! Who am I to be upset in their joy?!! I wanted to be happy but didn't know how to grasp and get out of the hole I was slowly sinking into.
And this went alongside our need to find a new rhythm and routine for school and life. Tim's new job is a bit different then anything he's had. Not bad different, just different. He rises early and is gone before breakfast, leaving me alone in the AM, but he's home sometime in late afternoon/early evening before dinnertime. It was just adjustment, for us all. And then there's school. Oh school. December is usually a month I take slow and we usually don't have a lot of standard days... but we had had almost a month off due to our move and packing. We HAD to get back on track. We were all feeling it and loosing it little by little. But there was a problem, our old routine and schedule wasn't working. It was feeling forced and we were all beginning to HATE school time. Warning flags went flying and I started praying and searching for a new way to approach this and for the grace to change what I had already planned. (For those that don't know, I like to plan! I like charts and order. I plan for each week and like to know when things will happen. Spontaneity is planned into our week ... that's just who I am and it's taken some time for me to be okay with that, but I'm getting there.)
So I took some time and began listening to podcasts in the evenings, while I showered, or while folding laundry. Looking for different ways. Different ideas. Something to spice things up. I spent my mornings reading and asking the Lord to grant me mercy, grace, and patience for our school day.
Christmas came, New Years came and we had a good deal of tears from us all. We missed our families, our snow, the grand ol' farmhouse, and didn't like being alone the whole time. BUT it was good for us. It was good to enjoy time remembering our own traditions and making new ones. (Homemade donuts for instance, will forever be our Christmas morning thing now!) I looked to January as my clean sheet. My chance to start over (again. ha).
So with the holidays behind us, I made some changes. No Facebook on my phone. I deleted the app. The only time I log on is to update our missions page and about once a week to check notifications. (Now I did keep messenger because that's a HUGE way of communication both in life and in fundraising.) I started reading things I wanted to read. I now have a rotation of books I am reading in the morning with my devos. (it's like a mommy morning time basket... I heard it here on this amazing podcast with Pam Barnhill - a lady I've come to LOVE listening to.)
We also have upped our morning basket game for school time. With breakfast each morning we have our set subjects and items we read and study over, along with our memory verses and monthly hymn. It's become a time of fun and joy once again. And as far as the rest of school, we have found a time that is calmer and less stressful for both Milo and I and am back to doing most of school without gigantic fights and resistance, but we are still human and have our days of arguments and attitudes.
Along with this refocusing and weeding out time, I have found my anxiety has lessened, not completely gone, but not so over the top I can't function. My attitude is becoming less self centered on what I don't have and I see just how truly blessed I am with what I have right now. Yes, it still hurts to know a home to call ours and a permanent address is not in our near future but God has granted me the grace to see what He has given me and our family... a chance to travel to a gorgeous land and share the love of Christ in a way of hospitality, meals, small groups, worship, and all the while schooling my children wherever and whenever, learning each of their gifts, abilities and joys. Yes He has asked us to step out, and yes there are sorrows but He has continually opened up my eyes this month to see the JOY that comes when following Him, wholeheartedly and 100% abandoned to His glory and mission.
I am not my own. I need to keep my focus, whether in fundraising, homeschooling, or parenting, whether in North Carolina, Michigan or England, on the Lord and bringing glory to His name in each and every day.
So that was a longer post. But it's been on my heart to share and to be help accountable as a follower of Christ. My life is not mine to run, He has the right to move me where He wants to use me. My joy is found in abiding in Him and loving Him with all I have, whether it's a rental to decorate and make home or celebrating with a friend.
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