{Two Books that Changed My Summer}

I LOVE hospitality. I love having people in and around my home. Whether it's cooking dinner for a big family or a having coffee and biscuits with a friend. Big or small I love opening up our home and lives for others to come into. However, about a year or so ago, I began to withdraw. I knew our time for moving again was coming. I knew we were leaving a place of security again. I knew that for the next few years my address and movements weren't always going to be according to MY plan but HIS. I grew a bit weary, anxious, and honestly fearful of what each day held. Anxiety became a norm. From panic attacks to mind games. I slowly began to unravel. By the time we moved across the country to our new home I was a mess of emotions and mentally unstable. There was little joy in what I did. I searched high and low for some but usually ended up in the same spiral of panic every week. I was lonely for one. Moving in December so close to my favorite family holiday was even harder then I had imagined. While our new friends already had holiday parties and plans, and our families back home carried on with the traditions, we were left in the middle... skyping in with our families and trying not to sound too desperate for an invite to any party around our new home.

Christmas came and went, New Years, Valentines, and still I wasn't myself. Our home stayed shut up. I was relectant to meet my neighbors and feared the long conversation of "so why'd ya move down here?" Drowning in anxiety, doubt, fear, and at times anger I lost track of my devotion time with God and hardly had a prayer life. Life remained this way for a few months. Folks would ask how fundraising and the transition were going and inside I would shiver and roll my eyes... if they only knew, I'd think. I felt like I was failing miserably. I couldn't even move across the country from my family without falling to pieces, how was I suppose to be a missionary across the ocean?!! The thought stayed just under the surface and on ugly days, it would rear it's disgusting self, hissing it's lie and covering me in shame and doubt once more.

Then one day I was asked to step into a ministry role by a great friend and leader. In my mind I kept wondering, Why Me? What can I offer? What good will I do or be? But I went ahead and agreed to meet and discuss what the commitment entailed. After the meeting she handed me a book.... she knew a little bit about the struggle and the place I was, and she committed to pray for me and asked if she could come alongside me and encourage and disciple me. I was thristy for her wise words and acts of love and thanked the Lord greatly for her presence and willingness to share in my struggles, Anywho, so she handed me this book and told me it would be good for me. I took it, we hugged, chatted for a few more minutes then I left.

Later that evening I began to look at the book, Loving God with All Your Mind by Elisabeth George. I hadn't read anything by her before, and it looked kinda old, but I trusted my friend's jugdement and began to flip through. After reading just the intro I turned to my husband and told him I had to purchase the book for myself because I knew it was going to be THAT good of a book. (you know, the one you highlight, scribble notes around the sides, and hold so dear that you mistake it for family?! ... am I the only one who does this to their books?) So I waited a week or so till we had the extra cash and we sprang for it on thriftbooks.com (amazon didn't have the old version that included the study guide.) And the fun thing about it... I passed her book along to a near friend who began to share in the anxiety, fear, motherhood journey with me, and my mom had me order her a copy as well! (Three women were now blessed by this one friend who spoke up and joined in with a hurting heart!! God is good!)

I began reading the book head on when we returned from our summer trip. My mind and heart were still all over the place, and although I had settled on our neighborhood and grown comfortable in our new town, I still was filled with anxiety, both about daily life and about the future. And I will shout praises to my God and Father because this book was ALL I needed and could want! It spoke deep into places of my heart I never knew how to put to words. The fears, the constant worry, the anxiety and what if's. It covered it all. Buried each with it's own scripture and a promise from God. I was blown away at how God spoke to me, directly to ME, by this book and sweet author. I kept texting my friend thanking her for this book and couldn't wait to tell her how it helped shape and change my mind when I was finished. What beauty came from one friend's willingness to step in, pray and encourage. Lord, thank you for people like her!

My mind still struggles. I still get anxious. But I'm beginning to find more joy and purpose in my day and know where to send my worries and fears when they begin to creep back in! I was even able to share these truths with others in times of sorrow while still in the middle of the book! God is so good!

Right towards the end of that amazing book, I began to listen to another amazing book ... The Turquoise Table by Kristin Schell. And unlike the first, I wasn't actually reading this one, I was listening. I'm not a huge audible book "reader". I find with kids it's hard and honestly annoying. I either listen well and ignore my kids OR I don't get a thing I'm listening and just walk around talking and mothering with a loud voice constantly talking in my ear... yeah not my style or choice for a book I want to read. But this book was short... it was marked out around the 4 hour mark and so I thought, well I could get through this in a month, so I downloaded it off Hoopla (which if you haven't looked into this, DO IT! It's amazing and FREE! I've gotten quit a few good reads and listens off of them!)
I began listening the night and within a WEEK had the thing finished!!! Guys, it's just SO good and so fun!

This book began to challenge me in an area that I enjoy and am told truly gifted in, Hospitality. About breaking down the awkward and the quiet and making a cozy community with those closet to you. Your neighborhood. Those people you see every day, in and out, walking, running, or driving. You see them, but do you know them? A simple turquoise picnic table in the front yard can change everything and it has for us!! With in the week of listening to this sweet book, I was on the search for the perfect table to invite our neighbors to for our front yard... but there was a small issue, CASH. We do not have much extra these days, so I decided to look for FREE. (because what's better then free?!!)  Well the very next weekend my great husband (who at the time thought I was a wee bit nutty and obsessed) drove across town to pick up this cute {FREE} kitchen table. I sanded it down, bought the exact color paint the author used for hers in an outdoor variety to help seal the table from rain, and began working on our beautiful new addition. By Monday morning I had folks stopping to ask what I was doing, if we were having a party, and to simply tell me just how beautiful the small area we set up was! I had met 3 new neighbors within a day of simply putting this new table out front. By simply choosing to be purposeful with our time outdoors and bringing out lives to the front. By the end of the week, we had gotten to know a handful of new neighbors and had the ones closest to us invited over for a pizza celebration for my birthday. AMAZING!!

My confidence in Christ was growing once again, I was doing what I was made to do. My kids and I were initiating and inviting, looking for and praying for opportunities to share and love on our neighbors... and man, oh man, did God give us plenty of moments to share and watch Him move.

Our gorgeous new table saw a birthday pizza celebration, a spontaneous Tuesday evening gathering, ice cream treats, homeschool work, coffee dates, cupcake playdates, and some personal reflective morning time spent in my bible. I was eager to sit outside in the early morning air, as the sun was just beginning to rise with my pretty white lights hanging from our small tree next to the table and read the bible and pray for our day, my kids, church, missions, neighbors, and family. Then after about 3 or 4 weeks the poor thing began breaking down. Legs were shattering, the top was bubbling and peeling apart... the pretty table just couldn't withstand the humidity and storms. I was devastated and had to begin to use our smaller round white table with a table cloth upon our porch for my mornings and meals. It wasn't the same, but I was honestly scared to sit at the real table...

I began my search again, but this time for an actual picnic table. The cost was high, and I was certain we couldnt' afford it. But after days of searching and looking I found one for a fairy cheap price, and we set up a time to meet. It was more a farm table with benches, so we needed a real truck to haul the thing back, so we got a great friend who picked up Tim in his truck and drove out to help him haul it back! I thought I was set. I had left over paint, I had planned out our day of painting and thought, by the time our neighborhood ice cream social came around, we'd have another beauty sitting out front... but then I get a call. And as I picked up I knew I wasn't getting this table. The short of the story was, well, it wasn't what was listed. It was smaller and not very sturdy. I was disappointed but didn't loose hope. I had been praying for this new table and knew God would provide for us in His timing. (although I am so, so bad at patience) I once again, picked up my search after getting off the phone with him. There was this other table, a REAL picnic table I had my eye on all week. The owner said it was pending pick up the day before, but something told me to check again. So I did. And to my amazement it was still there, with no word from the other folks on what happened. So she told me to come on by and look at it! I showed Tim, and told him the price and held my breath. It was 20 over what we already had out for the let down table... I waited. He said go look and see what you think , if it's sturdy and worth it, we can swing the extra this month and make it work. I arrived quickly and could tell this table was legit. Finally a real picnic table!! I told the owner how I only had $xx amount of cash on me, but wanted to put it down as my deposit and would pay the rest when we brought a truck by to pick up, she agreed and we chatted then i asked when a good time for pick up would be. Finally after a few seconds of going around the clock, she said, "ya know what, we are heading the the beach tomorrow, I've put mutiple things up for sale and no one has come to pick up when they said, so just take it for the $xx you have here and come by whenever you want this weekend to get it." I was floored! I couldn't believe it!!! I triple checked to make sure she was okay, and she was just happy to see it gone and being put to good use! I got into my car, squeeled like a little school girl and shouted praises to God!

Seriously folks! No other way to explain it! God is SO good!! He gave me the desires of my heart and has helped me cultivate a place of community right in our front yard!! It's been scary and a bit crazy at times, but it's been amazing to watch friendships blossom and for folks to come together and chat with location as their common ground.

Just last week we had our ice cream social. The kids helped me walk door to door and hand out personal invites. 95% of the people knew who we were and commented on "that cute little house with the table and lights our front". One lady said she slows down and enjoys it on her way through and told me it reminded her of something out of Alice & Wonderland. The event was great! We had 8 or 9 families/households attend and enjoy a time of ice cream and chit chat under the summer evening sky. And due to the weather that week, I couldn't get my table painted in time for the party, but ya know what, Turquoise or not, the table did it's job and there was still abundant beauty from a simple picnic table. I even got help from a few them afterwards, as another round of storms was rolling through, a few ran to their garages and got tarps to cover the new table to keep it dry so I could paint it the following day! Community. Being there for one another. Openness. That's what the table brings to our neighborhood. And next month we are doing it again!

I look back at this last year and although I am far from where I want to be mentally and spiritually I can see how God is slowly working in my heart and in my mind. How He's making Himself known and striping this girl's heart down to unveil a new kind of comfort zone... a comfort zone that rests solely in HIM! Not in my thoughts, not in my location, not in my friends, family or church. But 100% in Him. He is all I need and He is always near and He wants me to share that with those around me. So when I wake up a worried mess, when those lies from Satan swirl on all sides, and when I feel like I can't seemingly go on our on a lime to invite a stranger to my house, I raise my eyes and say with my weak voice that I am HIS child, that He has created me with a purpose and I remind myself of all His promises from His word.

I am so very grateful to both these authors for words and bible based books. They have helped this heart mend, focus on the true source of strength, and begin to grow again in Christ.

(Check back often for more updates on our awesome neighborhood gatherings around the turquoise table....)