My Struggles With Who I Am

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So I've been feeling guilty lately. I feel like I haven't been true to myself and to you kids. I feel like I've been too influenced by what others may think or do. And haven't taken the what matters most to heart. I searched high and low for how to raise my first baby the "right" way. And have been slowly coming to the realization that nothing beyond the cross and God's glory matters. As I'm realizing it thru my struggles, I'm not completely free of that "What will they think" attitude. But I've been reading an incredible book for mommas called "Desperate" by Sally Clarkson & Sarah Mae. I'm only 3 chapters in and it's hit me hard. I've had an unrealistic view of motherhood & frankly it's interfered with all of me. My spiritual life, family life, emotionally, physically, & how I view myself.


In the chapter labeled "Formulas Don't Work", Sally says, "I believe that there is no "one right way". God calls each of us to seek Him, to look for His wisdom and to follow where He calls us by faith, and it will be a different story for each family, marriage, and individual mom or dad. To walk that uncertain line, we must trust that God will be faithful to lead and guide us." 

I wish I could have read that before you were born Milo man. I tried for so long to make you fit that mold of "every other kid". And for that I am truly sorry. You are your own unique self and if that means you don't sleep thru the night till 18 months... fine! If that means you started cereal at 3 months... fine! You only breast fed for 3 months... fine! We were doing what was best for YOU and you're situation! Not every kid is going to fit the same mold for discipline, eating, sleeping, growth. But guess what? That's how God designs you! That's how God wants it. We can take each and every unique personality and circumstance and use it to bring glory and honor to Him. We need to search God out. Reading His word, praying for an open heart, and being so deep in Him that His will is what we find when disciplining and raising you boys up. I need to be secure in that and who God has made us as a family and individuals. 


As I've let these words and thoughts soak in, I've been thinking about just who I am and who we are, together, as the Keith family. It's been fun and I pray that over the weeks, months, and years, I will grow more confident in who I am thru Christ and what God's given me as my gifts and be much less dependent on what the "outsider" thinks of me. As long as I'm living for Christ, raising and nurturing my children, and loving my husband - in a biblical mind to bring ultimate glory to God ... then God's opinion is the only one that matters. I'm doing this all for Him and want to make sure both of you know about God's love, grace, mercy, and forgiveness - and that you live in that. I pray daily you will find Him & you'll turn your heart to Him. That you'll look at our family and see God in everything we did and do. 

I Love you two, my daring duo - Milo & Theo 
-Momma- 
  xoxoxo



Comments

  1. DebMay 20, 2013 at 9:21 PM

    Very nice, Dani. It's a sweet day when parents realize their kids arent ever going to be like other kids. But it's not easy to remember all the time. There is no point in doing things that make everyone miserable- diet,discipline, routines that are just making us grumpy. (But it's okay to sneak veggies in! hahaha) So what if my house is a disaster- did our family have a good day? So what if we have broccoli 4 nights a week if that's what is the easiest? And what if I havent read to my kids before bead in 3 weeks because I'd rather they just go to sleep when it's later than they need to go to bed? We cant be other moms. And our kids can never ever be other kids. We do our best for our own kids and our own families and try to focus on God- and if our own OCDs are hindering our spiritual lives, then we need to fix it. Because no one can truly be themselves and be happy until then.

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