{Transitions and Keepsakes with E}

It's been two weeks. Two beautiful, yet tough weeks. It seems cliche to say, but it does seem like yesterday. At this time two weeks ago, I was just put on my strong meds for GBS and let it run it's course before the midwife came back to break the rest of my water. (My water ruptured the night before, and I had been slowing leaking fluid thru the night and day, with contractions on/off) I was terrified, yet excited. I knew there wasn't much more that stood between holding you close to my chest ... except labor. I mean like real labor. Like take a deep breathe, this really hurts, how could I choose to do this again, labor. And that's the thing. Labor is unpredictable. I hate it but I LOVE it. It's such a stresser for me. I'm a planner. I have to know the 411 on each detail of my day. But labor, well that's just not how it works. Some are long, some are short, some take weeks to recover from, while others I could hop out of bed and do a dance after. I know, because I feel like I've experienced each of them. Which left me with such a vast variety of how this particular labor could go... Mr. Edwin, we had lots of talks about your birthday, about being nice to mommy and I even had a long talk about stopping the false alarm game. You, jokester! Well there I sat. Mind racing with what ifs and this is it! Hoping that it would go quickly, not knowing just how quick it'd really be.

5pm. Medicine was taken and I was good for go. I hadn't progressed much on my own. Walking the same three hallways for hours. So I was still only at 4cm and 75% effaced. It seemed like so much work still left for me to do before holding you. And every time I passed a room and heard a tinge of pain, followed by that sweet, beautiful, tiny baby cry I lost it. I wanted my turn ... so I held my breathe and the midwife did her thing! Here we go!!

It didn't take long. Contractions picked up and within a half hour I was unable to walk the hallways anymore. It was time for me to get serious. So back to our room with images of what my sweet Edwin would look like, sound like, and praying thru the contractions. Praying for strength for each strong, long contraction. Prayers that our sweet Eddie would move and turn, so Momma didn't have long to push. Prayers that I'd soon hold our precious new son.

I'm not sure why, but when things get strong and long, I need to know Tim is near. So he gives me his hands for the next 'X' amount of hours. Poor guy. Maybe I should of prayed for his hands and bought him a hands free hydration backpack!! (I'll keep that in mind...) In all seriousness though, I can't imagine doing labor solo. He's my rock. My encouragement. He gives me water between each contraction, even when I don't want it. He wipes my hair from my face when I start to get sweaty. He whispers beautiful things in my ear as I rest and close my eyes. And when things get real, and I know it's close he's right there. In my face. Cheering me on. Helping me. Spurring me on to till the final push! And when it's over, oh when it's over the look on his face is always priceless. He stands in wonder and awe and lets me hold our new child as long as I want, all the while standing close over my shoulder examining each finger, toe, and kissing their new forehead. It's one of my most favorite moments/experiences in all of our married years together.

I'm not sure what happened between the hours of 5-about 6:45 but it was one of the coolest labors in the fact that I could literally feel my child moving closer to us with each strong, whole contraction. The less I fought it, the better his movement was. And I kept saying he's close! He's close! And by golly after only about and hour and half of real labor Mr. Edwin was!!! And once my midwife said "I feel his head sweetie! You're close! Just a few more pushes" That's all it took. He was in my arms and daddy's view within minutes. Just like that. Two hours and 8 minutes from breaking the rest of my water! Born at 7:08pm. I think back to that moment of relief and cry every time. The love you have for such a small gift that you literally were just handed. Edwin and I, we had a long journey these last 9 months. A scarier pregnancy then the others. It was hard. Emotional. I dealt with depression, anxiety, preterm labor, was put on low activity for what felt like months!! Yet my love for him grew more and more each day. I grew more anxious for his arrival as July neared. And now I spend a majority of my days just looking at him. Counting and recounting his toes and fingers. Tracing his nose and eyebrows with my finger. Not wanting to miss a moment of this new stage and phase of his life! How quickly time is passing.

Before time got too far from me, I wanted to journal about these last two weeks and all the emotions and beauty behind each day...

 

First off, Mr. Edwin is smothered in love and has been since the moment all three saw him. Milo loves to hold him close, Theo is always talking to him and giving kisses, and Norma loves to sniff and pat his head while sitting close by. Our favorite thing to do is watch him sleep, especially after he's eaten because he gets so smiley. The boys think it's hilarious when he toots and poos though because, well, he's not quiet about it. Oh boys!!

Tim got time off and we loved each family day spent with all SIX of us. It's still odd to think we have four kids, but it's a joy to see you all here, in our home, together. I loved watching everyone play outback together, in the hot summer sun. Tim would hose them all off and then they'd jump about in the tiny kiddie pool we have. Splashes and laughter filling our backyard. What a joy to hear and witness.
Nights have gone well. Edwin is a great sleeper once he's down. He can sleep thru a lot thanks to being the fourth child. The very first night home he slept for 6 hours!! I woke with a start and was terrified I hadn't heard him... but no, he was still sound asleep. He stirs to eat around the same times each night and already has a semi wake/asleep pattern down, although it changes a tad bit when we are out and running errands/visiting friends. He seems to love piano/instrumental music to sleep to at night, otherwise it's just too quiet. But this momma can't complain!

And now sweet Edwin, this is for you, from momma. 

My sweet little man. As I watch you sleep today, I grow teary eyed. Two weeks. Time passes too quickly. I wish we could stop time and I could spend many more days swaddling you tight and nursing you to sleep. It's a pure delight to be your mommy and I am more the excited to watch you grow and become a personality all of your own! But these moments of sweet snuggles, milk comas, and newborn baby smells only last a few weeks, and I know now what a gift these crazy, choatic weeks of transition and adjust are. I want to cry from exhaustion but don't want to sleep thru your sweet littleness. You need mommy, and I wouldn't have it any other way. I need you.

You fit perfectly into this big crew we call family. You have a great mixture of all your siblings. Milo's yawn and smile, Theo's hair and face shape, Norma's eyes/eyebrow line. But you are remarkably your own too. It's such a treasure and I sit in amazement to think God knit you together so perfectly. With your long fingers and hands and your very distinctive Keith toes. And those no mistaking those lips... you got those from your momma! I love your nose. It's so kissable and what I would classify as a button nose.
Being a bigger babe, you eat well and sleep great, although you love and sleep best on mommy. I love how you cry when you think I'm far, and then slowly hush as you smell and hear me as I pick you up. Oh and when I do pick you up, I love how you curl and cuddle up still. Tucking your long, skinny feet up under and positioning yourself as a perfect fit upon my chest. And when you do this, I can smell the top of your newborn head and it makes me melt. You smell so wonderful, so new, so Edwin like. And I adore your tiny mohawk and old man semi circle of hair. Blonde but not so blonde you can't see it.
Mr. Edwin, I look at you and wonder where God will take you. What gifts and talents he's placed inside your tiny self and how I, as your mother, can help you use them as your grow. I can't help but cry a little to think this time of tiny newness is but a sliver of the time we will spend together. But I rejoice in the years to come... the transitions from crib to bed, from nursing to cup, from diapers to cute boy undies, and from coos and grunts to sweet little words.

I want to take in each and every moment of this season and tuck it deep inside my heart. Remembering each dimple, smile, cry, and wrinkle. You are precious and a beautiful gift from our Creator. I am beyond giddy that God gave you to us. As your mother, I pray that God would help me to be the very best momma that you need. Giving me the strength for each day, each trial, each breathe of your sweet, beautiful, and absolutely wonderful life.

I love you oodle and oodles little man. 

Love, Mommy 

 

And a big thank you to Gregersen Photography for the sweet and stunning photos of our little man!! I will treasure them always.