{Our Renewed Day}

Let's be real...Today has been a day of defeat. A day of mess. A day of battles and lost tempers. My kids have watched too much TV, and have fought over a single piece of paper. They ate cold pizza for lunch (and loves it), and I have no idea what dinner is going to be. I'm exhausted. Physically, mentally, and emotionally. I've cried for hours and still seem to have streams that will just pop up. I'm weary. I'm scared I'm not enough and I know for a fact I can't do this. *BUT*I don't have to be enough, Christ did that years ago for me. He won't fail. He always loves. He provides strength. He fought the battle of all battles (and WON!) And above all He always loves and forgives. He made me, he made my kids. And I can't fight who we are. I am His. He has me. He has my family. He wants us to run to him and know him intimately. It's in that love that I can rise up and keep on. Even if it's just oatmeal for dinner. ;) I'm tired of this day, but nothing about this day is a surprise to him. So I lift my eyes above and kneel down for His strength to finish this day. Friends, if you are struggling, know that Christ has made it through the ultimate struggle and is able to handle anything we find weary and exhausting. Hold on to Him and let Him work the rest of your day. 

About a week and a half ago I posted this on my social media page, just wanting to be real and to encourage others. 

We had had a day of terrible troubles. Lots of tears were shed as it became more and more evident that Milo needed more help then we could give. Five hours of grunting, frustrating screams, violent fits and punches, awful words spilled out that we knew he didn't mean and just plain meltdown issues. Nothing we have done in the past helped ease and bring him back. It just made it worse. Dad even came home from work to help for a few hours and ended up going back after things calmed down a bit. It was a day that began with a prayer of strength and help. I had asked the Lord earlier in the day to help clothe me in His strength. Recognizing that NOTHING was a surprise to him. He knew what the day help and I had asked him for grace, patience and strength to get through it. But it was a day I was feeling particularly far from Him. Then this happened. An hour after my heart cry for Him and HIs power. I knew what I had to do, but it took me a while to give in, cry out (literally at this point) for Him. In weakness I sat in our hallway, weeping over my sons closed door and begging the Lord to help me. To give me the words of wisdom to speak into a heart that needed help, and for strength that was not my own. I was anxious, sad, distressed, and just wanted to give up. We had a day of plans and it just got thrown in the trash. Fun Christmas art, books to read, and later that day a wedding to dance away at. But all that changed. It was uprooted and it wasn't how I imagined my day to go. And to top it off, I had nothing for dinner. I had planned differently and now, with no main food in our fridge, freezer, or cupboards it was looking like oatmeal was gonna be our feast. (which wasn't a bad thing, i mean, it's food and good but just not what i wanted or hoped) Anyways, the pressure of dinner and no food was weighing heavily on my mind through the late morning and early afternoon, but I kept trying to stuff it away. Eventually the meltdown came to a calm and I was able to speak in love with a calm voice, knowing in the back of my head that that was totally an answer to prayers. As things grew quieter and y'all started playing together nicer and our day began to look a bit normal again I drew out my phone and wrote from my heart, wanting to share encouragement with others who were feeling defeated that day. 

Two hours after posting from my heart, and forgetting that I had posted anything about dinner, a car pulled into our driveway and out of it was pulled dinner for us from a family who came to encourage me! She came in with pizza, brownies, salad... THE WORKS for our family. I was in tears. SHe told me that I was doing a great job as a momma and that she wanted to take care of dinner for me. Seriously, I was overcome with gratefulness and knew that God was working through this beautiful family. After she left I stood at our table, looking at the food that was know dinner and wept. Y'all kept asking me why I was crying, if something was wrong with the pizza, and why I was sad about the food. It was sweet, and then Milo, you popped in and said, I think she's just so happy about the food that she's crying. Ha! Spot on dude. Spot on. It was JOY, pure joy that was overflowing from my heart. I started baking the pizza and was waiting for Dad to get home; Theo and I were still heading to the wedding and Milo, Norma, and Eddie were staying back with Dad for a calm night before Christmas parties and festivities began. As I was waiting, I got a text that said, Dinner is on the way, Merry Christmas! A hot meal from Bob Evans was then delivered to our doorstep. We went from nothing of substantial goodness to TWO dinners that fed us for a few nights. WHOA! What?!?!! I left for the wedding with a heart of gratitude, tears in my eyes, and a love that brought me to the real feet of my Savior. He's there. He knows my heart. He knows where I am and what I need and He cares. He gave me strength and He laid our family upon the hearts of those other two families, who fed us for a few evenings. 

The enemy wanted the day to defeat me, wanted me to think I was no good of a mother and wanted to separate me from the one who holds the strength and power to conquer times and days like these. And it did for a few hours. And those hours were HELL. But when I finally came to my knees, He was there. Waiting for me to cry out, waiting for me to rest and be still, waiting for me to let Him work. And when I laid it out, asked for Him, guess what?? He came through. It was only HIM. He took our day and turned it around. And guys it was AMAZING. 

Theo and I spent the evening dancing and being silly together. I still had a heavy heart for what was said and done earlier in the day but I knew God was handling it and healing me and healed our day. Our terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day was turned into a great day that drew me closer to my Father and renewed my soul. I wanted to remind you that God is REAL and He cares. Trust in His strength and call on Him when your soul is weary. He's there and He will take care of you.