{We still sing Happy Birthday}

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Happy Birthday sweet child! You would be six today.

This day use to be filled with many tears. A celebration hushed away by an absence and sadness. But in the last few years I've embraced this day. Truly began to celebrate with heart! And this year we will have cake! We will sing just as loud and as silly as we do for all of our other precious children. It's, of course, all done differently, but the short and absolutely perfect time we had together with you on this side of life still has it's ripple effects. You're story is still being told and how God used your tiny heart beat to change our path of life, it's awesome and can only be credited to our Lord and Savior!

There's so much JOY in this day this year. We are fundraising. We are on our way to a land and a country that wasn't even on our radar and in our plans 6 years ago. Yet this life, God's way, it's so much more then anything we could have thought or planned.

My dreams have been shattered, and yes it has been painful, all growth is, but God has been so good and has allowed me to see small glimpses of His mighty hand at work. In the last 6 years we have abandoned our wills (not always with the most willing of hearts), threw our hands up in surrender and cried out for God to use us. Serving as interns, we were allowed to be a part of a beautiful missional community that helped us sprout out of the season of hurt and surrender. The people God placed into our lives were monumental in our spiritual growth and probably don't even know it! (That's only God!) Being part of a church plant, taught us deeper trust and patience with our Lord. Learning again and again that God's timing and plan is always better. Moving 5 times in the last 6 years has taught me to be less attached to worldly possessions and to find my identity in God Almighty alone! (And I've really grown to love the idea of a tiny home some day!) Each step forwards has been lathered in Christ's love and mercy and enduring patience. Unbelievable to think of all that He alone has shown and given to us. He's constantly making us better and breaking us apart to mold us into a better image of Himself.

So as today begins, I will cry. But the tears are a mix of sadness from a loss that still stings and happiness of all God has done because of your beautiful and precious life 6 years ago. I am beyond grateful to our Creator for allowing me to be your momma, for letting me see your tiny body move and wiggle and to even hear your little heart beat. Praise God for His plan, even when in the darkness it doesn't make the most sense. He sees the bigger end and to Him to all the glory!

Happy Birthday Lil' One! We love you dearly and remember you always. <3


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